all that binds
"the ghost girl that said no" ZJC (2007)
Now the dead avoid me. How miserable.
Language irks me. I wish it gone. I wish
all that binds me, gone. Schoolchild kisses, fuel
for the hungry ghosts, the livings' fetish
with its own wretchedness, all this barley
and blood, all this tea and bile we anguish
over, I wish it gone. Yes, I'm hungry
but not for you, love. Yes, I am selfish
but for golden plums and brilliant foxtails,
not you. I wish you gone. The dead confuse
me when even the saddest of them fails
to turn up. Why can't I ever refuse
language or ache? all that will ever shape
me, name me, bind me? There is no escape.